Indeed parents seem obligated to use the report card moment as a pep talk. But experts caution this may not be the right approach.
Students come to rely too heavily on their parents’ reaction to their grades. When what we really want is to have them reacting themselves. If parents could just use that moment to get their kids thinking for themselves about how they did, report cards would be a more effective tool for motivating kids to perform better.
The most basic advice for parents is to ask open-ended questions instead of yes-or-no ones. Think of the report card as a conversation-starter. A way for your child to talk about how she’s doing in each area, what is easy or hard for him/her, and how you can help them to do better.
Here are more tips for talking about report cards with your child:
- Ask your child how he/she thinks they did. This opens up the dialogue for any problems they're having in the class or reasons for a less than stellar performance. And it sets the tone for parents to listen.
- If the teacher is commenting on your child’s chattiness or inability to listen, don’t set yourself up for an argument. Instead of asking why he/she’s chatty or why they can’t sit still, ask, “Why do you think the teacher feels you have trouble listening?” Getting your child to explain from the teacher’s point of view enables them to think about how their actions are being interpreted.
- Offer specific praise and encouragement instead of broad statements. Try: “You worked very hard to bring up your math grade this period,” instead of “Great job in math.”
- Separate your child from his grades. No parent wants his child to feel his self-worth is derived from what teachers say about him. Consider statements like, “I love you, but I don’t like this report card” as a way to distinguish between the two.
- Focus on a way to do better. Instead of telling your child to pull up her history grade, talk together to find a way she can improve her scores in that class. Come up with a plan. Write it down. Finally, communicate it to the teacher, so that you’re all on the same page.
- Handle praise with care. If your child consistently brings home amazing report cards, it may be difficult to know what to say. “Good job” loses its meaning and has almost no affect. Consider reminding your child how she got those grades, and prompting her to find some self-satisfaction. “I am not surprised you have all these great grades on your report card. I saw you working very hard this term and it looks like it’s paid off. I bet you feel very proud!”
- Keep in mind teachers do not "give" grades, instead students performance on various tasks/assignments earn them their grades.
How big of a deal should you make about report cards? Well, that usually depends on your child. If they're visibly stressed out because their report isn’t perfect, your reaction should be very low-key. If they seems ambivalent about the negative comments and poor grades, you’ll want to discuss it at length.
Remember report cards are simply a way for your the Academy to formally record your child's progress. Progress is the key. It’s a way for you to see what your child is learning and how your child is performing in school. But it’s not the final say on how smart he/she is. If we approach report cards with that attitude, we’ll be able to offer the encouragement our children need to success in school.
We look forward to continuing our educational journey on Monday with your children.
Have an enjoyable weekend.
Sincerely,
Mr. Tyron D. Hurd